SOS to Apple: Fix This

 A sheriff’s deputy roared into our driveway the other morning, rang the bell, and asked my wife if she knew my whereabouts.

 Alarmed at first, then puzzled, Amy answered honestly: “He’s gone over to the Apple Store to see if they can fix his iPhone.”

 Across town, I was telling a friendly clerk named Sheila how I had been walking our dog when the phone in my pants pocket made an...