Eyes That See the Good in Things - February 12, 2018

I’m not sure how I feel about Valentines Day these days. Sometimes I like the idea and other times, it annoys me that, yet another holiday has been commercialized to the point that Valentines Day has.

Some people believe Valentines Day began as a Christian holiday when one of the several Saint Valentines sent a love letter from prison and signed it from “Your Valentine.” Others believe the holiday is pagan, derived from a festival in February anticipating spring and celebrating fertility.

No matter how it began, Valentines Day has become a day for a select few to celebrate and for the widowed, single and divorced to feel alone.

Some of you may have already seen this story; it happened a few years ago when a woman from Wyoming lost her husband to brain cancer. He had been diagnosed with cancer and was told that people with a cancer like his, usually live about 12 months. People who knew him said that he was tough as nails, with a strength that was contagious. He stretched that 12 months into 26 months, a blessing his family says they will always be grateful for.

Valentines Day arrived about eight months after he died, and his wife was amazed when she received flowers with a card that read, “Happy Valentines Day, Honey. Stay Strong! Yours forever.” It was signed by her husband.

After doing some checking, it turned out that when he had gone to the flower shop the previous Valentines Day and had arranged to keep having flowers delivered every year. His kids were touched that he had done something so sweet for their mom. His wife said that receiving the flowers every year tells her that their love will never end.

“For a newly divorced or widowed person, Valentines Day can be a time that reopens wounds that may have just started healing,” says Barb Nefer, a counselor with a doctorate in psychology. She even has ideas for people who are alone on Valentines day.

Plan a night out with single friends. Right now, there are more singles in this country than ever and Valentines Day is a great time to have a party or go out as a group.

For those newly broken up or divorced, she recommends gathering those old love notes and holding a Valentines Day bonfire. Nothing warms a wounded heart more than destroying painful memories.

Celebrate being single by doing something out of the ordinary, like spa treatments, taking a class that you’ve always been interested in doing, going horseback riding or anything that you’ve always wanted to do but never have.

Stay in and order in from your favorite restaurant, rent a movie, read some magazines, curl up with a good book or take a relaxing bath, if that’s what you want.

Or if you hate the idea of being alone, host a get-together. Take a trip to visit a friend or relative. Or go some place you’ve always wanted to see and have fun exploring something new.

Cook a gourmet dinner, either an old favorite or experiment with a new recipe. Enjoy a good bottle of wine. Invite someone over to share it with you.

Or don’t do anything at all if you don’t feel like celebrating Valentines day. She says to give yourself a get-out-of-Valentines Day-free card.

This is the one she likes best though. Instead of feeling bad about not receiving any gifts, become a giver. Make a list of people you love and surprise them with something thoughtful.

Something like this story about a Houston widow; who lost her spouse when he was only 43 years old. She says the Valentines Days she has spent without him have been difficult when you see all the cards, candy, balloons and flowers that others are receiving.

So, last year, she decided the way to mend her own broken heart was to do something nice for others.  

She turned to Facebook and posted, “I know that Valentines Day can be very lonely for someone who is recently widowed, so if you have a friend who’s recently widowed, I would love to send them a secret valentine.”

She received 10 responses, and she sent out 10 boxes, containing a beautiful glass heart shaped magnet, a box of chocolates and a handwritten note. One of the women who received a gift, had recently lost her husband of 25 years and her year had been exceptionally difficult. She was depressed as the first Valentines Day approached until she received her Valentines Day gift, which was a happy surprise.

The note included read, “you don’t know me, but we had a mutual friend who shared with me that your husband had passed away. I am so very sorry to hear that. Since I know that holidays can be hard I wanted to send you a little valentine.”

The other recipients were just as grateful, and she is back at it again this year, but with a lot more packages. She received more than 100 requests and she is now thinking about turning this mission into a non-profit in hopes of cheering up as many widows or widowers as possible.

“When we can help others feel good when they’re not feeling so good inside...then that’s a wonderful thing,” she said.

We would love to share local stories about the good things your eyes are seeing. And we wish you a Happy Valentines Day!

Stop in to share your stories with us, give us a call at 947-2417 or e-mail us at [email protected]. Or send a letter to Eyes That See the Good in Things, c/o Allison Lindgren, The Transcript, 6 8th St N., New Rockford, ND 58356.